What a week it has been! The week started with a jab in the left arm, followed by a jab in the right arm. Was leaving just 3 days in between the two enough?
This is definitely a question I have been asking myself since. After speaking to other people with the same condition as myself, they have been advised to leave at least a week between the two vaccines. After the way I have felt this week, I feel maybe that’s what I should have done too. But it’s one of the things where nobody tells you until after when it’s too late.
Monday, I got stabbed in the arm with the flu vaccine. I didn’t feel 100% afterward but I was ok. I was ok to carry on living life. I’m used to not feeling 100% and carrying on. So it wasn’t too much of an issue.
Then Thursday morning arrived, it was time to get my booster. I was very very anxious about getting it done. I couldn’t help but keep thinking about how poorly I was back in January after receiving my 2nd dose. But I tried to keep positive, telling myself I might be ok after this one.
As the day went on, I was ok. My arm was sore but that was it. I thought yes, I’m ok, I haven’t reacted to the booster! I was worried for nothing.
As Thursday evening arrived, I felt really tired. A lot more tired than a normal evening. My arm was so sore. I was now struggling to lift it above 90 degrees. I got myself into bed early, hoping a good night’s sleep would fix everything.
Friday morning, I woke up feeling like I had been ran over. It wasn’t necessary side effects from the actual booster other than hardly been able to move my right arm. It was more the wolf playing revenge on me. The symptoms I was experiencing were just typical Lupus flare-up symptoms. He wasn’t happy! I had put him under too much stress for one week.
I felt so sad! I try so hard all the time to manage my illness. And when it flares up, I feel like a failure. Even though it’s out of my control, I blame myself, like I’ve let my own body down, I’ve upset the wolf within me. I thought by separating the two doses would be enough to keep the wolf happy, but maybe the time in between the two wasn’t quite long enough. I was still feeling some of the side effects of the flu vaccine when I had the booster.
Next year, I will be separating them at least a week apart, not more. Annoyingly, I would have had my flu jab before my Scottish holiday if I wasn’t on antibiotics with a sinus infection! Then maybe I would have avoided feeling unwell this week!
I Always Feel A Failure When I Have A Flare-Up
I always give myself such a hard time when I get poorly with the wolf. I feel like I’ve let myself down and the people around me. But I need to stop it for my own mental health! I need to accept I will get poorly and not look at it in such a negative way. I’m always wanting and comparing my life to a healthy person. I envy people who are well, can do things without having to be careful all the time, and do not have to evolve their life around the wolf living in them. I need to focus on myself and look at how far I have come with my illness. How much I have changed my quality of life in the last few years. What I can do despite having my illness. Instead, of looking at what other people can do without my illness. Comparing yourself to others is one of the worse things you can do!
The minute I stop comparing myself, the minute I am a happier person. The minute I stop looking at the wolf in a negative way, the minute I am a happier person.
I need to remember, overall this year has been the best year yet, seen diagnoses! I’ve had a few recent flares but the flares have only lasted a day or two. Whereas they used to last for days, sometimes weeks. I will never be able to avoid flares altogether, been I will always work on the triggers, and ways to avoid them as much as I can. But I also need to learn to accept them, when I do get ill with them.
My Sinuses
Well, my sinuses were doing so much better. But this weekend they have got congested and painful again. I woke up this morning and couldn’t hardly breathe. I gave them a rinse out with my Neilmed solution which helped a little, but they don’t like this time of year. I’m allergic to mould spores, which are always around in Autumn. I often spend most of Autumn with blocked, painful sinuses. There’s just no way of getting out of it, as it’s just everywhere.
Has anyone got much experience with air purifiers? I’m debating if to get one or not. I know they are meant to be quite good for dust allergies, but I wonder how good they are for mould spores this time of the year? But then I think I could make the air clean in my house, but I’m still going to inhale the mould spores outdoors, so is it a waste of money?
Lupus Awarness Month
October in the UK’s Lupus Awareness Month. Not sure why it’s different from the American one in May, but it is. This month I will be spreading lots of content across my social media platforms to try and spread awareness, educate, and help to fight against this cruel invisible illness.
Anyways that’s it from me. The next couple of weeks are going to be tough with the wolf. I’ve stopped my Methotrexate for two weeks to give my body the best chance possible to make some antibodies to the booster. Let’s just hope I don’t get too unwell, or end up in too much pain with my joints. I’ve also got bloods next week. I might have a good white blood count for a change, now I’ve stopped my Methotrexate. I had to stop it while I was on my antibiotics too, so I’ve not had a lot of it recently. Which does worry me, as it’s the one drug that does make me feel well the wolf. But let’s think positively, and hopefully, I will be ok. I’ve got strong painkillers if needed, to get me through the next couple of weeks. Already halfway through my first week!
Until next week,
Goodbye for now
Emma
xox
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