Hope you’ve all had a great week! What a stormy week it has been! Thankfully, where I live, the storms were not too bad. Somebody lost their WIFI connection down our street. But honestly, I’m not surprised! The wire of the telegraph pole ran right through the tree branches, so it was a disaster waiting to happen!
The Wolf Hates Me!
I haven’t got a lot to write about this week, other than the wolf completely hates me right now! Joint pain and fatigue have been bad all week. My stomach has been causing me bother, along with nausea, and headaches. On top of all that, my circulation is getting worse day by day. I am so desperate to start my new treatment!
Next week, I have my TB screening and my blood tests. Not sure what they do for the TB screening? Surely, it’s another x-ray? I only had one in November! I’ve then got to have six different test tubes of blood taken. I’m hoping to see an improvement in my Lymphocyte count, otherwise, I’ve decreased my dose of Methotrexate for nothing!
As soon as the results are in, and are ok, they are going to get me on the ward for my first dose of Belimumab.
Anxiety Replaced With Desperation
I was feeling pretty anxious about starting my new treatment. The more I read about it, the side effects, etc, the more I was becoming scared about going in for my first dose, not knowing how my body was going to react. But now my anxiety is starting to fade away, as the feeling of desperation is taking over. Having this treatment is not a choice, it is needed, and desperately needed! It’s the only thing that’s going to potentially stop the wolf from destroying my body any more than he already has!
This is how my toes and hands are currently looking:
It’s so painful and scary! My blood vessels have narrowed back up. I have no control over it, only the evil wolf does! I currently can’t have any more Iloprost as it was too close to my last dose. My Nifidpine is not responding and the wolf is not giving up!
Even if I could have another dose of Iloprost, it would be pointless right now! He will just fight back like he’s done this time round! We need to get my Lupus under control, then we can treat my circulation because then he won’t have the power to fight back afterwards!
I keep telling myself better days are coming! It’s hard now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that’s what I need to keep focusing on right now!
That’s it from me this week. Bit of a short blog this week!
Until next week,
Goodbye for now
Emma
xox
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My book, How I Tamed the Wolf, Living with Lupus is available on Amazon via this link:
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Want to catch up on my previous blogs, head to: My Weekly Lupus Diary
