Hello, I am back! đ
I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year! I hope the first week of 2022 has been a great start to what hopefully is going to be a great year! I also would like to say a big thank you for all the support you gave me during 2021; from turning up each week to read my blogs, to each one of you who purchased my book, to sharing great advice with me when I most needed it. A big thank you from my heart!
I was only meant to take a week off my blogs, the Christmas week. However, in the end, I decided to enjoy the full festive season away from my MacBook. It was a lovely break, but I have to say I have missed writing my blogs. I now feel like I have so much to tell you, probably too much to fit in one blog!
I’ve had a lovely Christmas and New Year. I spent Christmas with my parents. The wolf didn’t behave on Christmas Day, but that’s no stranger to me. I ate hardly any of my Christmas dinner, as my stomach was so sore and inflamed. But it was just nice spending the day with my mom and dad, and of course Alex too. My inflamed angry stomach was caused by just the aftermath of the steroid dose increase and antibiotics I had before Christmas. Then New Year’s Eve we spent it at my sisters which was lovely. Then on New Year’s Day, we headed out in Casper, up to the North Yorkshire Moors NP for a long weekend. It was a perfect start to the New Year. The weather was great, well apart from the wild wind, we did some very picturesque walks, drank a lot of hot chocolate, and had fun capturing footage on our new camera! We did get caught out walking in the dark twice, one downside of winter hiking! Should have brought our head torches out with us, but we were daft enough to leave them in the van! On a positive note, we saw some cracking sunsets. Golden hour is my favourite time to capture photos, so I was happy!
Here’s some photos from our little trip:
January Blues
January can be tough for many people. I know people are often skint after Christmas, I know people who suffer from their mental health more in January. It’s a tough month! The excitement and the build-up of Christmas are all over. You spend a lot of Christmas seeing friends and family, spending lots of money, eating lots of nice food, partying. Come January, everything kind of suddenly comes to an end. This often leaves people feeling quite lonely, feeling the January blues.
I will openly admit, I do often suffer from the January blues. Pre-pandemic I use to often book a ski trip in January, to give me something to look forward to once Christmas was over. Last year and this year have been different and because there’s been no ski trip planned due to the annoying C-word (or is it now O-word), January blues have hit me hard. Last year I started the new year in shielding, not how I wanted to start 2021. It was a very lonely start to the new year, and I struggled. This year I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed. I’ve got my wedding in 2 months and a house move hopefully within a couple of weeks. Two things I let myself forget about over the festive period. I kept telling myself I will deal with everything in the new year. Then the new year arrived, and for some reason, it’s just hit me like a tone of bricks. I think also the whole crazier spreading O-word has just added to my anxiety too.
You’re probably reading this and thinking why? I have two very happy, exciting events. I know right? I did a bit of journaling yesterday. Trying to work out what was upsetting me so much. I think I’m worried about being well enough for the house move, but my mom said she will be there to help me box things up on the days leading up to our move if I need her, and on the day we do have so many helpers, which I’m ever so grateful for. It’s also a big change! Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t cope with change well at all.
My Wedding
To be honest, despite the house causing a bit of stress, and a bit of emotion knowing I’m saying goodbye to my current home, I think my biggest burner is my wedding. I’m finding it really tough to deal with. For anyone who is new on here, my partner Alex and I were meant to get married back in 2020. Just two months before my wedding and just days after my hen do, the country went into lockdown and my wedding got cancelled. We then moved it to 2021, with me thinking the pandemic will be all over with. Yes, very naive I know! In 2021, we then decided to cancel the wedding again and move it to 2022. With or without restrictions, we said in 2022 we will get married, even if we can’t have our dream wedding we originally planned, we will still get married. I tried my wedding dress on, on Christmas Day, just to check it still fits me ok. The last time I had it on, was in 2020 when the alterations were getting done. In 2020, every time I put on the wedding dress it would fill me with excitement and happiness. Now, I get so many mixed emotions. It reminds me of 2020 and the wedding that didn’t happen.
Not only that, I worry about the actual wedding day itself and being in a room with lots of people. I know that sounds daft, but after isolating myself from the world for nearly 2 years, I actually feel scared. I had to go and visit a neighbouring town over Christmas to go to Specsavers. The street was full of people shopping. I mean it was just a normal day in the town centre, but it’s something I haven’t been exposed to for so long. I just got so panicky. Even though a lot of people were actually wearing facemasks and it was outdoors, I still felt very anxious. This is something I may need to expose myself more to before my wedding day. Just hard with the 0-word being everywhere at the minute, as I want to try and avoid catching it. Hopefully, come February things will be better with the current situation, and then can expose myself more to society again. I remember when I first saw family and friends indoors late last year, and how anxious I was. It did get easier the more I did it, so I know I can do it. It also helps by having so many supportive people around me, for which I am ever so grateful for.
The current situation with the pandemic at the moment is a bit rubbish for us all. My anxiety is through the roof with it. But I am trying to stay hopeful. I currently don’t feel comfortable getting married during a pandemic, I am scared about attending my own wedding day, and I still feel like grieving from what happened in 2020. I’m hoping as days go on and I start doing all the final planning for the day, the excitement and happiness will return. 2020 will be forgotten about and 2022 will be our year. Let’s hope this is also the year we wave goodbye to the pandemic. There’s something in me that’s telling me this year is going to be a good year for all of us!
Priority PCR Testing
Christmas Eve, I received a PCR test through the post. I was at work, Alex had messaged me. I was so confused! Why have I got a PCR test? I thought maybe there just randomly selecting people to test. Anyways, I got home and my questions were answered. Apparently, I should have received an e-mail, but not sure what happened to mine. Probably deleted thinking it was spam. Not the first time I’ve done that!
Basically, long story short and I’m guessing some of you who are reading this, most probably will have one too. Because of my risk of serious illness to Covid, I’ve been put on a special list. So if I get any symptoms, I must take this PCR and then post it in a priority postbox. It will then get tested as a priority. If my results are unfortunate to be positive, a medic will ring me and offer me a choice of two treatments. The faster these treatments get into your body, the more successful they are. One is an anti-viral tablet that I can take at home. The other is a biological infusion, where I would have to attend a Day Unit to receive. I’m guessing a special Covid Day Unit, and not the normal Day Unit at the hospital. Imagine that, Covid positive patients sat in a Day Unit full of immunosuppressed patients having their regular infusions. That would not be great!
It’s great there’s this security blanket for people like myself. I know it is like a common cold for most people now, which is great news and you may be thinking why do we need this treatment then? But remember, common cold to a severely immunocompromised patient can make them very poorly.
I Can See Again
I’ve got a new pair of glasses and what a difference it makes! I can see so much more clearly! It’s not good news with my eyes though! The ophthalmologist did so many tests on my eyes. He said the back of your eyes are looking good, but the fronts are not so good. My eyes are severely dry due to my Sjogren’s and the muscles in my eyes have become weaker. So now a stronger prism has been fitted. Also, my eyesight has deteriorated slightly, but that’s most likely just because I’m getting old! I’m just annoyed my eye muscles have got worse! It seems to be a yearly thing, needing a new stronger prism. How many prisms can they actually put in my glasses? I now have prisms in both lenses, just to prevent one lens from looking thick and heavy. The ophthalmologist said it’s my illness attacking my eye muscles. I don’t really know what I can do about it!
Big Annoncement
To help anyone who may be struggling this month with money, loneliest, boredom, or want to try getting more control of your illness/quality of life back. I’ve decided to lower the price of my book for one month only! So if you are after a good read to get you through January, want to get to know more about me and my journey, or you’re just fed up with your illnesses and what to get back some kind of quality life back, then this book is for you.
Here is the link:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09M73X2JQ/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_796ZK0ZWHF5AQBSBX14R
Right, I better be off! Got to go get my 4th dose of the vaccine (my booster). For anyone who’s nearly due there’s and wonder how to book it. I basically got a text to tell me it’s time to book my booster. I then rang my GP to book me in. To be fair they didn’t ask to see my text, as they can see on my medical records I’m entitled to the extra vaccine. They also knew about it, not like back on late last year, when no health profession seemed to know anything about this extra vaccine for the severely immunocompromised. You can also book it through the vaccine centres but they need a letter from your GP or hospital to prove you’re entitled to it. So I found it easier just ringing my GP, who knows me.
Sorry, I feel like it’s been a bit of sad blog this week. It has been a struggle mentally this week, but on a very positive note, physically I’m doing well. The wolf has been great recently and my stomach has healed from Christmas. I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to eat much on New Year’s Eve at my sister’s other than raw carrot sticks, as that was the only thing my stomach truly liked on Christmas Day. But my stomach did brilliantly! We have a new coffee machine at home. I’ve worked out, my stomach is happy with a small coffee, but if I have large, well let’s just say I know about it for ages after! Not only has my stomach been great, but I also haven’t had to take a single decongested this year, which is a miracle for me, and even avoided needing to take any codeine too! Just hope the wolf doesn’t get angry from this vaccine today, and my health stays good! And mentally, I know I’m just going through a tiny rough patch. Everything has just hit me at once! Everything I kept trying to block out of my mind until after Christmas. But then it’s that moment when you realise Christmas is over, and now I have to face it all. But I know everything will be ok. As I said above, 2022 is going to be a good year!
Anyways, that’s it from this week!
Until next week,
Goodbye for now
Emma
xox
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